Well, kind of want to get these thoughts down before i forget them, which i hope i never do. I just finished reading another chapter in the book "Living Water". It amazes me how much i learn in that book that i feel i should already know, it is like a slap in the face or a wake up call.
The Title of this chapter says it all "The Person God Uses". I always thought i knew what that meant. I thought i was such a person. Looking back in my life i was. but things changed or i should say I changed away from that and so my life has be come dessert to God and to sharing the Gospel.
while view back on my life, i feel this change in me happen was in College, which i am sure most people would gasp at the thought, sense my College was a Bible college, where u learn to do ministry. Which that statement there clear shows how wrong that is. Ministry is never learned in college and a stupid piece of paper, is just that, a piece of paper.
"..... I have come to see there is a serious misunderstanding among many Christians around the world when it comes to being a worker in God's kingdom. In the West, especially, the Gospel has been intellectualized to such an extent that there is almost no mention of true faith and trust in Jesus anymore. academic qualifications and speaking ability are held in high regard, while spiritual maturity, character and the call of the Holy Spirit have been relegated in importance and largely consigned to being irrelevant when it comes to God's work."
I feel this is so true. When I knew I was called from God to go into youth pastor, my brain went "time to find a bible College and start learning, so I have every right to be in that position". Don't get me wrong, An education is good and is need at times, but it is not the end all. I know i was more focus and more driven to work with youth back before i went to college then when i left college. I think all it did for me was make me more analytical and critical then more Spiritual. This really showed up when i start helping my home church again after moving back to Ohio. i was always looking my down my nose of education at the youth pastor of that church, saying he was running this wrong or that was done wrong, because i thought i had all the correct answers. now it has been 5 years sense i graduated college and all i can show right now is a piece of paper with ink on it.
Another point i got from this chapter i read was about strength.
"If men can do God's work in their own strength, then it is not God's work at all. The Lord Jesus calls people who realize they cannot function at all apart from His grace and empowerment. Such an attitude results in complete dependence on God, and this is good in His sight. If we can accomplish tasks without God, the He will not get the glory. People will look at what we have done and give us the credit. But if we do something that is completely impossible apart from God's supernatural intervention, people have no choice but to give glory to God."
I have always wanted people to see me for the works i have done for God. but looking back at this, it does not show up in my life until i got out of schooling and was focused on me and my education. And so i know that is why God never got me set into a youth pastoral position in a church. Which the result of it all seems to lead me into the land of bitterness and hurt. So as a stupid human and child, i have turned my back on church and everything i believed in, which broke down my convictions on moral ground. And my life is a big Painting of the result of it all.
I regret tons of things sense i have turn my back on God. I am so Thankful being a Christian that I do have God pulling on me even when things seem so dark and hard for me. I have always has the little whisper in my ear saying "(God) I loves you, and come back to me". I feel I am finally starting to get back on track and heading toward God again, even though I been dented, battered and broken. I feel it is going to be a long journey for me to get back to where i need to be, which was how i was before, college, where everything i did was for God and God alone.
one last point i saw in the book i been reading , is how i think i also fell from God like i have.
"The way of the world is always to look at human credentials as the prerequisite for success. We look for the strongest, most attractive, most educated, thinking that God's work can be accomplished through human effort.
God, however, clearly uses a different set of scales when he weighs a person. He looks at the character and heart of each individual."
I feel into trying to fit into this ideal view of how i should look as being a Christian that will take a spot in a church as a youth pastor. Boy was i so wrong. As i was going for interviews at churches i kept trying to show this educated person that i thought i was, that knew all the answers and would be perfect addition to the church. but as i was looking at myself like that. i also saw in churches that they look for there human credentials as well in their leaders, and so they also fall into the trap of someones strength and speech. Which added to all my anger to Church and to God himself. I been so wrong with my attitude.
I need to be looking at myself more closely and trying set my scale to God's scale of a person. Which is a hard and only be accomplished by God's hand and will. Therefore, i need to be seeking God every hour, every min, every sec, of every day of the week, which connecting to people that live by God and His will.
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